My Job

I ran across this posting today. It was a job listing for a nanny position:

Daily Duties

• Daily care of the infant, to include feeding & changing etc.
• Developing and executing a consistent feeding and sleeping schedule for the baby
• Communicating with the parents about the baby’s schedule and well-being
• Providing innovative and fun early educational and intellectual stimulation – from taking the baby to the park to singing lullabies.
• House keeping, laundry and occasional grocery shopping

Experience/Skills/Characteristics

• Experience with children aged 6 months to 5 years is essential
• Background in education or childhood development preferred
• Candidate must be energetic, flexible, and positive
• Candidate must have strong communication skills and regularly update the parents about the baby’s schedule and well-being
• Immaculate presentation

In general, I dislike the thought of fulltime “nannies”. I know it is, for all intents and purposes, our society’s version of a “governness”, but I don’t think I get that either. Since when did being a mother or father mean passing off the burden of responsibility to someone else? I think it creates a set-up for disaster– the nanny is the parent for 75% of the day. The parent, once they “re-enter” the child’s world, back from doing whatever important thing it is they were doing, doesn’t want to spend their 25% disciplining or being the bad guy. So they act like the child’s best friend, undermining the authority of the nanny.

Besides the fluctuating rules and disciplinary styles, the child’s world also isn’t secure because the person they rely on most can skip out on them at any moment. Most positions require a 2-3 year commitment from the nanny, but how on earth does one enforce that? The job I almost took a few years ago nannying for a family in Fort Worth tried to get this kind of commitment from their nannies by not paying a huge chunk of the salary until the end of 2 years. But there is nothing tangible tying them to the kids. Truly. I have had deep seated attachments to children before– piano students who I’ve had for nearly 4 years, children I’ve babysat, even my three godchildren.

But they don’t even hold a candle to what I feel for Gregory. I would KILL people to protect him, and I truly mean that. Any parent knows exactly what I’m talking about. I once heard a dad at our church say that if any creep ever hurt his boys, he’d cut them into pieces. He wasn’t kidding either– he showed us his garage full of weapons. He said, “I’ll count on a sympathetic jury”. I just can’t fathom ever conjuring up this type of commitment for someone who’s not your child. Any nanny that even tries to form this type of connection with the kids will quickly be reminded of where they stand. Despite the fact that the nanny is acting as the parent for the majority of the time, the kid knows who the real parent is and will never love the nanny in the same way.

Sorry for my rant– I have a lot of friends who are nannies, and I truly sympathize and respect what it is they do. It’s one of the toughest jobs out there!

This posting, in particular, stood out because it validated what I spend my time doing during the day. It’s a LOT of work, caring for an infant! They have one way of communicating, and it takes real work and patience to figure out which cry means what. Luckily, Gregory rewards me with a smile or a sigh of contentment whenever I figure out what it is he’s upset about. Sometimes, it can take an hour or two before I figure it out, because that’s how long it takes to exhaust the options.

Take today for example: he was unusually fussy as he was falling asleep. I tried rocking him, because sometimes he’s just lonely and can’t put himself to sleep (many books would disagree…different post for THAT hot topic!). Once that didn’t work, I thought it could be gas, so I burped him for a few minutes, gave him some infant gas medicine, and waited for it to take effect. Nope, still fussy, and clearly getting more tired and exasperated. I tickled his cheek to see if he would “root” because he was hungry. Nope. Diaper? Nope.  Turned out, he was sweaty. The sleeper I had him in was fleece. Coupled with his fleece swaddle blanket, he was soaked in sweat. No wonder he was fussy!

But what stood out to me MOST about this job posting, is that the person writing it clearly understands that raising a child is a VERY important job. They also understand that raising an infant is even more serious, in some ways. They are the most helpless at that age– the smallest mistakes can have drastically grave consequences. I was once cuddling with Gregory on our bed and I got up to take off my sweater and put it away. It took all of 30 seconds. When I walked back into our room, Gregory had knocked over my pillow. It was laying right over his face, covering everything but his feet. I shudder to think of what could’ve happened if I’d been gone for a minute more! How could I ever explain to Jesse that my negligence killed our baby? The responsibility of raising a child is the most serious job I’ve ever undertaken, because a life hangs in the balance. My performance review doesn’t come with a $300 Christmas bonus, like some of the nannies I know– it comes with the relief and satisfaction of knowing I kept Gregory alive and healthy another day.

If this person is so aware of the responsibility, why on earth would they pass that off to someone else? What could be more important? It seems akin to the saying, “Save the world, but lose your soul.” What good does it do to conquer the corporate business world but lose the precious, once in a lifetime opportunity of raising your children and molding their souls? I grant– the business world is where some people belong. They were born to do that. Great. Just don’t have kids! Human beings are worth more than prestige.

Some would probably argue that they need the money to support their family, and working fulltime is a sad but necessary fact. I don’t buy it. The majority of people I know who are paying nannies to watch their kids are also making 2-3 car payments, buying boats, taking multiple cross country vacations a year, buying loads of expensive electronics. As Americans, we’ve been tricked into thinking the average family needs all these things, and they sacrifice time with their family in order to have them. Right now, Jesse and I are considering moving to a much smaller and cheaper place– perhaps even a one-bedroom apartment again! All so that I can spend a few more hours a week with Gregory and still put money into savings. It’s not worth that extra space to spend that time away from him.

Maybe I’m biased because both of my parents worked throughout my childhood, yet still had time to homeschool me. I never had a nanny– just an occasional babysitter who came over for a few hours here and there. I know it was a sacrifice, especially on my mom’s part, seeing as she had to work the night shift at the hospital so that she could be home while my dad was at work (I still don’t know when she ever slept!). But they made it to every sports game, coached a few teams, volunteered at school (when I did go), stayed home when we were sick, all the while making just enough money to cover the bills. I feel like it can be done– it just takes creativity.

All these are my thoughts as I process just what it means to stay home with Gregory each day. So much of his life depends on me. The impact of this statement hit me when I realized that Gregory is such a different baby now that I’m not stressed about school! He’s calmer, more alert and happy, because he’s feeding directly off of my emotions! How convicting!