Wanna know

just how emotional I am?

I cried, both times that I read this. Yes, I am a walking, pregnant cheeseball.

 

Also, I can’t get through this book with Gregory without tearing up. Especially the end where it says:

For never before in story or rhyme

(not even once upon a time)

has the world ever known a you, my friend,

and it never will, not ever again…

Heaven blew every trumpet

and played every horn

on the wonderful, marvelous

night you were born.

 

Yup. Scared yet? ๐Ÿ˜‰

G’s 9 month…er…11 month appt.

Today we had G’s 9 month checkup, occurring late at 11 months (9 months found me packing, discovering I was pregnant, moving across the country, etc.). Since we’re with Medical, everything was free, not even a copay (insert ahhh!! moment!). The Dr. was nice, discussing the vaccines with me and letting me opt out of some. I researched/studied for a few hours last night, so I pretty much walked into the office knowing what I wanted/didn’t want for G. I definitely got the DTaP…Pertussis (whooping cough)+ kids= scares the crap out of me, and CA has higher occurrences of it.

I guess, however, that the 18 lb. weight this last Monday with WIC was an overstatement. He’s actually 17 lbs. 12 oz., since we had to take his diaper off.

This puts him in the 10th percentile for height (27″ 3/4) but only between the 3rd-5th percentile for weight. Surprisingly, though, she was not at all concerned. After observing him and asking a few questions, she said he was perfectly healthy, meeting all of his milestones ahead of schedule (as if we didn’t know that!) and very interactive. Plus, she said to me, you’re so petite, so naturally your son would be as well (thanks, Doc! Exactly the adjective a pregnant woman wants to hear! Be my best friend forever, please?).

So, while I may have a small kid who still fits in 6 month clothing, he’s super smart and athletic. I think I can live with that!

confessions of the scary kind

Something I’ve really been struggling with this time around in pregnancy is my emotions coupled with mood swings. I’ve been pregnant before, and I can tell you– this is NOT the same. Jesse would agree. In fact, I think we’d both be surprised if this baby turned out to be anything but a girl, due to the fact that I’ve had everything more severe this time around.

I say this here, on my blog, because I could use prayer. Not the “oh help her in her dire need!” type of prayer, but the constant kind, every morning plus a “quick prayer throughout the day” kind.

Basically, long and short, my emotions and hormones are SO bad this time around, I’ve developed a type of neurotic/bipolar disposition. I don’t think I’m exaggerating, seeing as Jesse was the one who (kindly and lovingly) brought it up. One minute I’ll be fine, the next, sobbing uncontrollably or shaking from anger. Rinse and repeat, many times a day (no joke). Once an emotion gets ahold of me, I feel powerless, almost like a spectator watching a 3D horror movie.

It’s incredibly disconcerting, I must say. I hate the feeling of not being in control (surprise!!). It’s the reason I willingly opted for only a local anesthetic when I got my wisdom teeth out a few years ago. The thought of being in a drug induced state was worse to me than the pain/discomfort. It’s also the reason I took one Vicodin pill after the surgery and said, “never again”, simply because I felt so loopy, so unlike myself. It’s ALSO the reason I don’t think I will ever opt for an epidural– I want to be “fully present”, and drugs don’t allow me to do that.

So to be living that “out of body” ย and “out of control” feeling on a day to day basis? It’s tough. And terribly discouraging.

I also live in fear. Fear of the next “trigger”, because once an emotion gets a hold of me, I can’t shake it! Oh, believe me, I try. I have my usual tricks– praying, going away for some space and quiet time, music, even retail therapy. But none of it helps. In fact, the more time passes, the worse I get.

My first reaction was to blame everyone around me, because in my world, it all made sense and nothing had changed. If I was furious with Jesse, it was all his fault for being so mean. And then, after Jesse lovingly stuck things out, blow by blow (figurative, here…), I would see the light of day and realize, with crippling shame, that I over-reacted. And not in a slight “oops” way. At least I’m good at apologies! But eventually, even those start to sound hollow.

Part of the reason I’ve gotten worse over the past couple weeks is because the nausea has been fading away, ever so slowly. I’m beginning to think that the nausea was a bit of a blessing (if we can call it that), because it “sedated” me. Also, I had a definite source to blame my feelings on and was able to convince myself that the extreme feelings would pass away once the nausea did.

But now that I am feeling so much better, I have more “fight” in me, I guess you could say. And that’s a bad thing, turns out.

We are working on a few things that Jesse thinks will help minimize the irritants. He thinks I need to start working out again, so yesterday he went with me to Kennedy Club Fitness to sign me up (they have an indoor pool for lap swimming! And free childcare, even though I don’t think I’ll ever need it. Hurray!). He thinks I need to “get out” more, so I am trying to make more play dates with friends (but who would want to be around me? i think despairingly). And I need to start getting a better night’s rest, so I’m going to try and find an adequate body pillow this time around (the cheap one I bought at Target last pregnancy just isn’t working, seeing as it does not bend).

Please, I beg for your prayers, mercy and encouragement on this one, friends. I HATE the way this feels, I HATE treating the ones I love with such relentless fury, and I HATE the aftermath of shame and regret. Most days, I feel lucky if I can get through the day without a meltdown.

National Coffee Day

I’d already poured myself a cup of coffee (yes, I know, i’m “hurting” my baby and gonna burn in you-know -where) when I realized it is National Coffee Day!

In honor, here’s an informative article from “The Oatmeal”, titled, “15 Things Worth Knowing About Coffee“.

Also, while we’re at it, take a peek at their take on the Twilight series (it’s a bit crude, just to warn you. But it’s not as bad as reading the actual books, IMHO).

12 Weeks

And gaining weight! Perhaps I should stop drinking so much fruit juice….

ย ย 

 

ย Attack of the belly bump and feeling fat!

 

Just two more weeks and I’m DONE with the first trimester!

Oh, and in case you couldn’t tell– second pregnancy is passing almost just as sloooooowly as the first. I thought it might go by faster, being the second and all. Nope. We’re talking about impatient me, over here.

 

Getting so big!

Today was the first day that G walked of his own volition– not towards one of us cheering him on, but towards something that he wanted. He walked not just a few steps, but a few feet, stopped, looked at me and smiled, then continued walking towards his destination. All in all, he didn’t stop walking for a few minutes!

I was shocked, seeing as the most he’s ever taken are 4-5 steps at a time, usually hesitating, inching sideways,and always with him walking towards our open/awaiting arms. This was nothing like that– he just got up and walked away!

I’m glad that he’s doing so well and not scared. In these last couple weeks we’ve had a few falls and a bruised/bloody lip (so.tough…on.me!). In general, he just didn’t seem that interested in walking, even though whenever we set him up, he would do it. I was kind of afraid that it would take us weeks to convince him that walking is actually for a purpose, not just to get loud kudos from the “audience”.

But I guess I’m also not terribly surprised. We’ve been doing a lot of work with him on walking. Whenever we need to move him from one room to the next for whatever reason, we take one of his hands and walk along side him, slowly but surely. During the day, I try not to pick him up and carry him around, instead helping him walk to whatever we’re doing. Jesse even had him walking in the grocery aisles yesterday! It’s “supposed” to teach them that walking is how we get from one place to another on an everyday level. So, I guess it’s working!

In other news, G has two new teeth, top middle! He now has two on top, two on bottom. To tell you the truth, we all agree that we didn’t even notice these ones coming in, other than his excessive drooling for a few days. I haven’t had to use children’s tylenol since he was 6 months old (when we bought him his teething necklace). We’ve also used a bit of oral gel and a bit of chamomile from the health foods store.

In other words, teethingย can be done without potentially harmful drugs! Maybe teething hurts other kids a little bit more than others (also, I HAVE heard that molars are waaaayyy worse), but we’re also talking about the kid who bursts into tears if he falls down on his cloth-diapered-heavily-padded bum.

Also, he’s been making many more verbal sounds, experimenting with a whole new level of vowels and consonants, gesturing wildly with his hands as he’s speaking. It’s like we’re having a conversation…only I’m the one in the dark!

G’s Birthday Shopping List

In just a few more weeks, G will be celebrating his first birthday!

Since a few friends and relatives have asked what G might “want” or “need” for his birthday, I thought I’d put a little list together. So far, we’ve kept G’s toys to a minimum– one small bin for toys, one small basket for books. The small basket is books is deceiving, however, because we have TONS more where that came from. I just stored all but the hard pages/baby proof ones.

Anyways, here goes!

A cute table and chairs that I actually would want in the living room…I think bright colored plastic furniture is so tacky!…anyways, it would be something for him to eat snacks on, do art on, etc. as the months/years go by. One of the cheapest I’ve found too, at Walmart, no less!

An adorable rug for a play room.

I can’t wait to let him play with a cube like this one:

Definitely got lots of recommendations for this dump truck, made out of recycled bottles.

Then, there’s this awesome Trike!

Also, I’ve been trying to find G some wooden blocks to build with. Not sure what brand, (maybe this one?) just don’t want them to be coated with toxic varnish or finish (I say, as he’s chewing on one of my flip flops…nice).

On Craigslist (since they’re too expensive brand new!) I’ve been looking for a play structure to put in the yard.

Also, as far as clothes go, he’s got enough, but if you wanted to get some, he’s currently in 9-12 month clothes (mostly). I’m putting him in some 12 month sleepers, since he is so LONG, but if it weren’t for that, he’d be swimming in that size (most of his onesies are still 6 month size).

That’s it!

First Born Child Syndrome

My room as a toddler

Keith's baby room

 

’nuff said.

Maybe?

Sorry, really in a picture mode today….

I just had a thought when I was looking at the pictures from this morning. Is G starting to look like me? Yes? Maybe? perhaps?

Sorry, scanner isn't working, so this is the best I got right now!

Top

Do you ever look at your “top” commentators?

Apparently, I should give Christine some type of award for commenting 125 times! Also, Chelsea was a close runner up with 86 times.

If I think of a prize, I’ll let you both know ๐Ÿ™‚