I had a really really bad day today. I’ll spare everyone the details for the time being, but let’s just say that I was more stressed out and frustrated than I’ve been in a long time. Part of the reason is that I am going on Night #3 of no sleep, thanks to all the contractions. Seriously, Anthony– either STAY PUT or GET OUT. You cannot have it both ways. Days of contractions + sleeplessness + pregnancy hormones + house buying= bad combination.
But I had a moment of clarity today. I picked Gregory up (a feat at this stage, because I have giant contractions the entire time, just from the exertion!), and all of a sudden, I was completely overwhelmed with how blessed I felt. Gregory is not only doggone adorable (I honestly believe he is one of the cutest kids I have EVER laid eyes on), but I love his little personality. His antics are priceless and I will treasure them always, especially how he now says a combination, “Bye-Bye, Love you!” every time we part, even for a second. I can’t get enough of how soft his cheeks are, how good he smells, how adorable his curly hair looks after he’s fallen asleep in his carseat.
Above all, I love how soft and tender his little heart is– at one point today, I yelled at him, frustrated because that stupid refrigerator letter game was on constant repeat. It took a few seconds, as though he was trying to overcome his hurt, but then he crumpled into a heap on the kitchen floor, sobbing as though he had lost the will to live. All because I raised my voice at him. I immediately ran over, picked him up and cuddled him close, whispering over and over again how sorry mommy was for yelling. He just put his head on my shoulder, crying these soft little sobs…oh my goodness. It crushed me to the core.
And it made me realize– God has given me such a great treasure in Gregory. There’s not much more I need to say, and there’s not much more that I should want. I have a beautiful life that God entrusted me with here on this earth, and I am definitely not worthy of it. He deserves so so so much better, but he’ll just have to settle for Jesse and I 🙂