A Real Conversation

Backstory:

Jesse knows why I hate Bruno Mars’ song, “Grenade”. It has to do with a grammatical detail that I find highly aggravating. The singer goes on and on about how he’d do all these things for this girl…he says, “I’d catch a grenade…” etc. “I’d” is the contraction that stands for, “I would.” This saying is the English language’s only form of the Subjunctive Voice, which is used for hypothetical statements. At the end of each chorus, he says, “But you won’t do the same”. Won’t, as in, “will not”, which is in the Active voice. It’s infuriating. He’s hypothetically doing all these courageous things for the girl, whilst criticizing her for not actually doing them in real life. “Honey, I can totally imagine dying for you. Now, go throw yourself under a bus to prove you love me.”

Enter today’s conversation:

Kelly: Jesse, I found a new reason to hate that Bruno Mars song.

Jesse: Really.

Kelly: He says, “Knew you were trouble from the first kiss, had your eyes wide open, why were they open?” How CREEPY! Having your eyes wide open, staring at someone on a first kiss? Totally disgusting.

Jesse: Yes, but the real question is, how did he know her eyes were open unless his were too?

And there you have it. Why Philosophy and English MAs should not analyze pop music.

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